My Own Little World

I feel like I am in my own little world. It's not such a pleasant world either. But, you know I'm dealing with it the best I can. I don't think I'm doing too bad considering the circumstances either. I can't remember things well though. Every time I think of something I have to write it down, if I don't write it down, I forget.

I'm getting really nervous about this surgery. The last couple of surgeries I've had, namely the last three at least have not gone well. You know they don't let you have water for a while before a surgery and then they don't let you have water for a little while after a a surgery and then you can't eat normal food for a while either. Well the water is my biggest concern. Since having this Gestational Diabetes (praying it's only Gestational Diabetes and not Type II), I have been so incredibly thirsty that I can't even go a few hours without drinking. If I do without water, my throat swells up on the inside and becomes so swollen that I can not breathe right. The other night I slept for almost four hours without waking and I thought I was going to die when I woke up because my throat was so dry and swollen. I couldn't even talk because there wasn't enough moisture and when I tried to take a drink I almost choked because I had dried out so bad. This is a pretty serious issue with me at this point!

This hospital is horrible joke. I admit it can't be worse than Mountain View, well you know what the Maternity area of Mountain View was actually not bad. I pages the nurses station over 15 minutes ago and asked for my pain meds and sleeping pill, they said they would let my nurse know. I like my night nurse, Jennifer, but she hasn't come yet. Earlier, around 8:30 PM she told me she would get my Sudafed and be right back and I didn't see her again until 10:30 PM. I still like her though. I also like Rebecca, who Jennifer thinks will be working tomorrow night, so hopefully I will get her tomorrow.

Baby Johnny is awake and active. He's getting big, I feel him so big in my belly. He's a very active baby. I bet he's a very alert little guy. I can't wait to meet him, well I can, but I have a feeling I won't have wait much longer. I will have to wait a long time to take him home, and that saddens me more than you can ever imagine. I spend all this time away from the children I have and soon I will have to spend time away from my very newborn son. It's heartbreaking! I still can't get over the fact I'm going to have a little baby boy. It's so exciting. So incredibly, indescribably, wonderfully awesome!

Now it is 1:25 AM and I just took my sleeping pill (Ambien) and two Tylenol 3s. I should get sleepy fairly quickly. I wonder if Ambien is safe to take every night on a regular basis. I know it is used to treat insomnia, so it may very well be. I would love to have a prescription for it. I always have trouble sleeping. I don't think that would be such a good idea with a a newborn, but perhaps when I get to a point in my life when I am able to sleep, it would be nice to have. My blood pressure was high again, it's come down a little, but it was 159/95, earlier it was 170/106. The nurse thinks they're probably going to change my dose of my blood pressure medication tomorrow. She's probably right. Yup, meds are stating to kick in! :)

My fellow Christians, please pray to our Lord, Jesus Christ for my baby's health and for my peace. I am way too stressed lately and I just need to relax. I need PEACE. Please pray for me. Please pray that little Johnny will thrive through this crazy situation and that he will be a healthy and happy and beautiful little child!