Yesterday

I know, I didn't post yesterday. To be honest I was in a pretty sour mood and didn't think it would be a good idea to try to post without offending someone.

I was up what seems like all night with the little guy then I finally get to sleep in the morning hours, of course. I wake up again to realize it's about 10 AM. Well the other adult members are still crashed out from their full nights sleep while the dog hasn't been outside and the children haven't had breakfast or been supervised.

I step out of my room to find the dog has taken a crap on my carpet and my kids have made the living room and dining room as messy as their bedroom. The baby is fussing and I have to clean up dog poop, fix my kids breakfast, feed the baby, and I still hadn't got to do MY morning things.

So I made a ruckus and started screaming and slamming things around. I woke up everyone pretty quickly. My husband takes out the dog and then offers to look after the baby while I try to catch a few more hours of sleep. I didn't realize that he meant literally just that. I was able to sleep a few hours, but when I woke up I realized the door was shut and the baby was the only thing he attempted to look after. Meanwhile our other children have been entirely ignored by their parents pretty much all morning now with the exception that I made breakfast for them. Ugh! So I get up and shower and try to take care of myself and do my own morning stuff, now that it's afternoon.

Surprise! My mom actually made my children lunch, hooray! I ran some errands and brought my Dragon of the Week with me. We had a fun time together and even stopped off at the park for some play time.

Later that evening my husband went to get our water refilled and one of my family members came over to visit the little guy while my husband was out. When she first arrived, I had my little man all wrapped up in a large fluffy blanket and after she sat down I handed him to her. She held him for a few minutes and commented on how tiny he is. I had to show her just how tiny he was, she couldn't really tell with him all bundled up like that! So I stripped him down of his blankies and showed off his little arms and attempted to hand him back to her. She refused to hold him again, exclaiming he's much too small. She wasn't comfortable about it any more. Here's the kicker, she has TWO little boys of her own!

After she left I started cooking dinner and my husband returned home. Little Johnny was hungry and Daddy fed him while I was cooking dinner. My mom went outside and of course the dog wanted to go, but she says she's on strike. She refuses to take the dog out even though she's the only one in this house that goes outside all throughout the day. So I had to turn off all the burners and put cooking dinner on-hold and take the dog out for a walk then come back after that delicious (sarcasm) task and finish cooking the dinner (sound appetizing to you??)! I was BEYOND mad! The IGNORANCE that I have to put up with around here is baffling!

To top it off, later on in the evening after everyone had eaten and some time had passed, I had baby in one hand and a dirty diaper to throw away in the other and I go into the kitchen to throw the diaper away and there is no sack in the trash can! There's no trash sack anywhere! And on the stove is the dinner I made that should have been put in the refrigerator to have for left-overs especially since no one here is buying any groceries and there's like nothing in the fridge left to eat, lol! You'd think they would be ravenous about preserving food? I guess I'm the only one worrying that there isn't enough food left. Perhaps they don't look in the fridge enough to notice the decline in available eats because I prepare their dinners? I;m not sure, but they had obviously (by the mess) been in the kitchen more recently yet failed to do anything about it. I'm not saying it wasn't my responsibility either, I would have done it had I been in the kitchen, it's just that I hadn't been in the kitchen but someone else had.

So I asked my husband to take the baby so I could clean up the kitchen and put the food away. His suggestion was to give the baby to my mom while I did that. But I figured that sounded a reward. She likes to hold and feed the baby. So if she doesn't help out and leaves a ton of things for me to do then she can spend a gang of time bonding with Johnny while I slave around the house. Nah, doesn't sound like a good plan to me honey, you take the baby. So he gets stuck with the baby again and I go into the kitchen slamming things around complaining about all this and that.

My furniture in my room is arranged in such a way that when my husband is home and using his computer I can't get to the baby's bassinet (where he spends almost all his time because I still don't have a bouncy seat/ rocking chair for him) without making my husband move or attempting to climb over the bed. When you have a preemie that keeps gagging on his spit up and throwing up more than once a day, this can be a real task! When he starts gagging, I can't get to him in time. It's getting really frustrating and it's such a pain! There's just not enough room! I wish we could put some things in storage. I have a lot of furniture that is just in the way at this point, but they don't belong to me, or if they do the original owner's would be upset if I got rid of them. Some of them I don't want to get rid of anyways, I'd like to have, I just need the space for the moment!

Everything feels like such a mess. I'm really stressed out over everything. My health is huge concern for me right now and I don't think anyone knows or understands what I'm going through right now with that. I haven't been feeling right lately and I'm feeling really unhealthy. I really don't know how else to word that. Like I've been having strange chest pains and weird sensations. Mainly I've been having symptoms that are signs for things that are just not good signs and with the high blood pressure and not-so-good blood/sugar readings, I'm very concerned for, well, my life, right now.

It feels so creepy to type that, but it's true, and it's a really scary feeling. So if some of my irritations are irrational, that could be why. I just want to be here to take care of my kids, and be ABLE to take care of my kids.