If I were a..., I'd be a...

I got this off Miss Bossy Pants' blog. She has this quote at the bottom of her blog page

"My goal as a parent is to see my children to adulthood with all their limbs intact and with no criminal records."

and gosh darn it do I enjoy her blog!

If I were a direction I’d be...south (I'm pretty negative most of the time, unintentionally, but to be honest, I am)
If I were furniture I’d be...a bed (I should not say why)
If I were a liquid I’d be... water (Everyone thinks they can see right through me but no one truly understands my significance)
If I were a gem/stone I’d be... precious opal (so many reasons)
If I were a metal I’d be.... platinum (it's worth more)
If I were a tree I’d be... weeping willow tree (I think they are beautiful, calming and serene, and provide excellent shade and to watch them in the breeze is relaxing too)
If I were a fruit I’d be... apple (I should be forbidden)
If I were a flower I’d be... a lily (they are the prettiest and I appreciate beauty)
If I were weather I’d be... 72 and partly cloudy with chance of severe thunderstorm
If I were a musical instrument I’d be... an acoustic guitar (it's an amazing instrument and I never learned to play it)
If I were an element I’d be... "oxygen (essential)"
If I were a color I’d be... raspberry
If I were an animal I’d be... giant tortoise (longest lifespan)
If I were a sound I’d be... a belch (I tend to do that a lot -heartburn & indigestion)
If I were a lyric I’d be... "They were screaming [insert my name here] we love you, and I was screaming 'b**ch, I love metoo!'." ~The Big Bad Ass, a.k.a. The Big Badass (Ant Banks, The Dangerous Crew)
If I were a song I’d be.... How far is heaven?
If I were a music type I’d be.... rap (you can get jiggy wit it!)
If I were a perfume/cologne I’d be.... Bvulgari Omnia (I can't get enough of it~)
If I were a feeling I’d be... euphoric (because that's what I would want to be)
If I were a book I’d be.... Holy Bible (it's popular!)
If I were food I’d be... bread (isn't it the obvious choice?)
If I were a city I’d be.... Oakland, CA (I just liked it there)
If I were a taste I’d be... buttercream icing (it don't get much sweeter!)
If I were a scent I’d be... jasmine vanilla
If I were a word I’d be... Google (I Google everything)
If I were a verb I’d be... love
If I were an object I’d be... an image
If I were a piece of clothing I’d be... scarf
If I were a body part I’d be... brain
If I were a facial expression I’d be... a smirk
If I were a cartoon character I’d be... stewie griffin
If I were a movie I’d be.... Boxing Helena (It's the equivalent of how my ex-husband, the MF, makes me feel)
If I were a geometrical figure I’d be... infinity.
If I were one of the 4 seasons I’d be... autumn/fall (it works for me)
If I were a sentence I’d be... "Smile for the camera!"